THE INNER ME!
There are many people that wonder what make Freddie L. Sirmans, Sr. tick? Well, I’m not so sure myself and I know me better than anyone. Personality-wise, me being a writer is almost like a fish out of water. I may not show it but deep down I can be secretive, suspicious minded, and reclusive to a fault. All of that said, I still decided to share some of my inner thoughts and beliefs.
There is one thing I never want and have waged an internal battle and struggle against all of my life, that is self-pity. No one can truly know what goes on in the mind of another human being. The self-pity thing! The first neurotic symptom I experienced as a very young child was a physical look of self-pity for being physical punished for wetting the bed. I believe the end product of any adult is mostly what comes out of childhood.
It’s not talked about, but the human mind will go to extreme lengths to aid in ones survival, especially the very young. The neurotic self-pity look was my minds way of trying to assure my survival. The mind can give an abused child super natural sexual powers of projection, which may cause all kinds of unintended consequences. Even when one has great genes I believe the environment is still by far the biggest factor in how one turns out.
Whoa! Don’t be so quick to judge, the lord works in mysterious ways. I truly think God for the way I am, or what I do have. The hardest thing is to learn to love and forgive something you hate, and something’s you shouldn’t, but thing’s about yourself you should. Self-shame, self-guilt, self-pity, etc. are emotions that can completely disable any human being. Many things that most people take for granted are cut off to me.
Sure, I could spend a lifetime learning to do things now cut off to me, but I feel when destiny reaches out and selects you for a mission it is because of who you are, not who you want to be.
I never set out to be a writer, I just got tired of being mistreated, and felt at least somebody would know Freddie L. Sirmans, Sr. deserves some respect. There has been no stone unturned looking into my life. There! I’ve said it! I have bared part my soul! How much will it cost me?
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